We are not Jesus
I’m not one of those unreasonable militant atheists whose names I won’t mention. Religion has been instrumental in organising human societies into large groups of people who don’t kill each other in the streets — the majority of the time. (Indeed, it can be argued that atheist states have conducted genocides on an industrial scale unseen in religious states, like the Khmer Rouge, Soviet Gulags etc). Religion gives civilisations a common thread of morality and conventions. I subscribe to the view voiced by Yuval Noah Harari that “Silicon Valley” and their belief that technology can solve all problems constitute a form of religion. But Christianity is bloody unbearable on the soul.
With Christianity you end up doing the same “bad” things you would do anyway, only you feel bad about it. A teacher acquaintance of mine had to deal with an unfriendly incident between two of her students the other day. She was telling her class that you shouldn’t tell others mean things, like they’re fat or ugly, because you wouldn’t like it if those remarks were directed at you. Sooo Jesus. But let’s face it, some people are specimens who everyone is jealous of for their good looks and fit bodies. If someone told them they were fat or ugly it would be a false and ridiculous statement.
Instead, I think people should be taught at an early age that the reason to be nice can have entirely selfish motivations. They need to know that being mean to someone might hurt their business and relationships in even the distant future. I am reminded of a story told by Dale Carnegie. He says that the first thing he thought about when a great author he had interacted with in the past had died, was how the great author had offended him, even though he, Carnegie, was in the wrong. People hold on to resentment their whole lives. Don’t be mean to anyone not because you care about their feelings — you have your own problems. Be nice to everyone so that your and your children’s future won’t suffer. What if that person you were mean to becomes your kid’s chemistry teacher?
I bring up teachers because I was reading a book to my daughter the other day in which a food fight ensues due to a kid cutting in line. After arriving, the teacher says “I don’t care who started it!”. I don’t care who started it! What does that even mean? I imagine they both get punished? But let’s look at the most likely outcomes here. The teacher witnesses the outcome of a food fight. Two kids point to each other in accusation. The teacher punishes both of them whether or not he gets to the bottom of the affair later. If he doesn’t investigate he is assuming both to be equally culpable. If he does investigate and it turns out they were both equally culpable then all good. But most likely one kid is demonstrably more culpable than the other. What then? Punish the guilty kid more later? Apologise to the good kid? They can both end up being resentful.
I focus on the food fight example because at the core of the issue is this. One kid throws a banana at a second kid who retaliates. If the teacher says “I don’t care who started it” it means that the second kid should have turned the other cheek! Conversely, if this second kid instigated the fight by being super super mean it means that he may be more to blame. What’s the first kid supposed to do? Not give in to his hundreds of thousands of years old instincts? He just got angry, the same way any other animal would have. At the very least get to the bottom of this, teacher! Don’t punish without reforming.
I believe the world would be a better place if we as a society reframed certain “niceties” and viewed them through a selfish lens. When you tell a kid to be nice and he says “What for?”, answer him. But don’t make him feel guilty, tell him how being good will benefit him. Cui bono? Everyone.
